His discipline

we are called to repent.



if you are like me
and believe you have nothing to repent
beyond the repentance you first announced
when you accepted Christ
then you may be wrong -

 

i was wrong.
it doesn't matter what any one else has said
yes, we will live out the circumstances of our sin
that i know is true -
but it is the Lord who calls me
and so it is the Lord
who withdraws from me
and shuts me in
and closes me down
and brings punishment to me



He revealed my pride against Him - in me
a pride so subtly hidden
beneath my desire for justification
my desire for my plans
my desire for my desires
His silence drove me to pursue Him



not seek Him - so meek and mild
not read about Him - so easy and comfortable
not sing about Him - with gay abandon
not lift my arms - not fall on my knees
not tithe my last dollar - not attend every church meeting in town
not beg, plead and borrow to get Him to talk to me -
i did all of that and more

He drove me to Pursue Him - go after Him
harrass Him - persevere and persist on Him
stalk and shadow Him - trace, track and trail Him
scout out and search for Him
find Him, find Him - whatever it took to find Him
and when He finally spoke 
i saw that He had been speaking to me all along



He gave me the chance to humble myself before Him
reveal my repentant heart -
realise I am repentant to none but Him
see myself through His eyes
and bow down in humble repentance
that He has been so merciful to me



the day of the Lord is coming
the day of His Judgement
and in His mercy He is calling on His people
those He has chosen and called out to be His own
He is calling us back - through our heart breaks
through our broken down walls and unfulfilled dreams
through our misery and our drowsiness with this world
through our sorrows and our losses
through our broken hearts and empty cupboards
He wants us Hungry for Him 
for He want us with Him

oh so blessed to be loved that much - amen

the Lord is Almighty to save

tuesday 22 may 2012




the Lord is Awesome.  i don't even know where to begin.  


i have known in my heart that the circumstances i have been in for the past year are and have been circumstances orchestrated by the Lord.


the Lord has had me fenced in.  he has had me shut down, blocked off and set apart.  totally alone.  
                                                  


if i went out to find comfort.  he shut me off.  if i sat home to find comfort.  he shut me in.  if i was given good well meaning advice.  he shut it down.  if i turned to the left.  he cut the left off.  if i turned to the right.  he cut the right off.  if i picked up comfort in myself.  he made it fall.  if i prayed.  he kept silent.  if i cried.  he kept silent.  





i begged for His comfort.  i found it for a moment.  and then it was gone.  to be replaced by tears, longing, sorrow, aloneness, unworthiness, overwhelming aching from within.  not poetic.  


i don't know what to say.  except the Lord is awesome and He is mighty to save.


if you have been called.  if you have had an encounter at any time, ever in your life, with the Lord Jesus - and you are experiencing doubt through His silence and the circumstances in your life are going from bad to worse - and He is silent - day after day - and the doubt you have isn't about whether He is Lord - but about you being the one person He didn't die for - then you have spent the day with me.
                                                                                    
                                                                                                       
and all i can say is this.  He has it.  He has you and He has your life, your circumstances, your troubles, your unworthiness, your sorrow, your longing, your tears, your aching - your breath, He has it - 
                                      
for me - my Lord had to bring His discipline into my life - there is no other way - if He is to be Lord of my life, then it has to be His way or nothing.  no other way.  He is the Way.  His way - is the Way.  no other way.  no others way.  no way but His.  in everything.  in my life.
and His punishment for my wayward ways was His discipline.


He didn't have to do.  He is Sovereign.  He is The Almighty.  who am i that He should care to punish me.  to discipline me.  and i have come to know this Lord deeper.  He wants me to hear His voice - hear Him clearly - see where He is clearly - see where He is going clearly - see what He is doing clearly - see His anger clearly - see His Love, Grace and Mercy so very clearly - that i can distinguish between the Lord Himself and the eternally fatal imitations.  i must see Him clearly - to follow.