By Him, For Him

1. Psalm 139:16 Seeing that thou didst know me before I was composed of either flesh or bone, much more now must thou know me when thou hast fashioned me.

Of course, this gets me to thinking.

In the midst of my trials, in the midst of my anxious thoughts at this time, in the midst of these long moments of trembling, I am drawn to consider that even this, even this day, this moment, this trial, was known to God, created by God, for God.

And while I sit here, saddened by the struggle of possibly being rejected by people I dearly love, the importance of it is lessened by the knowledge that God has known of this moment for all of my life.

This moment, is a moment, when I can contemplate, that my Father in Heaven, purposed this moment for Himself.  That this moment, though not foreign in it's ingredients, is a moment which God purposed, to draw me to Himself.  A moment, repeated throughout my life.  A moment of familiar rejection.  A moment, when in the past I have considered, why me, why am I so unlovable - now, brings me to contemplate how wonderful My God is.

My mother, my father, my brothers - all purposely created by Him, for Him - for His purposes.  The place of my birth, the hour of my birth, the people of my family - all created by Him, for Him.  My abusers, my enemies, my accusers, everything that has failed to satisfy me - created by Him, for Him.  My husband, my children - created by Him, for Him.  What the devil meant for harm, God used, to call me to Him. 

When people have rejected me, I have so longed for reconciliation, that my emptiness would be satisfied, but God knew that it would never be satisfied.  God knew, purposed it, that I would never be satisfied, outside of Him.  He purposed this moment, for Him.

Oh the times that I have raced off to find contentment, to avoid this painful moment, to avoid the thoughts of worthlessness, nothingness.  How I have argued for my position, my right and my innocence.  How I have pleaded with God to change my circumstances, to avenge my enemies, to lift me up and rescue me from my pain and yet I have run from Him.  And He has always drawn me back.  He has drawn me back to Him again by the rejection and hurt of others upon me.  The very thing I have tried to rescue myself from - is the very thing He has used to woo me back.

Oh how I understand His love for me.  Oh how foolishly I have thought I know Him.  How often I have searched His Word for my benefit - never noticing how much I am rejecting Him - by seeking to rescue myself, with His Word, and not Him.  

There are so many times that I have tried to run and escape from the cloud that surrounds me, never seeing that God is in the cloud.  

Exodus 40:36-38

1599 Geneva Bible (GNV)

36 Now when the cloud ascended up from the Tabernacle, the children of Israel went forward in all their journeys.

37 But if the cloud ascended not, then they journeyed not till the day that it ascended.

38 For [a]the cloud of the Lord was upon the Tabernacle by day, and fire was in it by night in the sight of all the house of Israel, throughout all their journeys.