friday

another day.  His grace, His mercy.


it is all to His glory.
it is all His will.


i have willed other than His will.  and maybe while i am in this body and trying in my way to convince Him of my 'need' for this and my 'need' for that, He is patient with me to see His will in my life in amongst my 'needs' or above my 'needs' or instead of my 'needs' or sovereign to my 'needs'.  yes, He is most patient with me.  and i see the cross.  which saves me from His wrath.  His Son has borne the judgement due me.  judgement which most assuredly is mine.  


i remember a time when i was a teenager.  i arrived home one evening to find my younger brother and a friend had taken dad's work van out for a joy ride and were now struggling to back the van in to the exact place my father had parked it so as not to be found out.  they couldn't do it.  i feared what would be my brother's 'deserved judgement' from dad if he ever found out, so i said i would park the van for them.  just as i was climbing into the van, to park it where it should be, my father came home.  i remember his face.  he was livid.  he was aghast.  he looked at me and at my brother, who had guilt and fear written all over his face while searching my face as to what i was going to say.  i give my dad credit for calmly asking me what i was doing.  i took the fall.  i said i took the van out just to see if i could drive it and i couldn't park it properly so i was just going to try again.  he was angry but i could see hurt in his eyes more than anger.  he didn't really say much except to say something like, i had no right and told my brother to get inside and walked passed me without another word.  judgement had been passed. on me.  


i see Jesus and i see the Cross and i understand fully.


my brother carried on that day and days after that day free.  free of dad's judgement, which would have been a sore penalty.  he even reveled in his freedom. rolled in it as a pig in muck even telling my other brothers (i had five in all) how dad had caught me driving the van.  dad did not speak to me for a long time.  i wanted to tell him, just for his sake, that it wasn't me, but i couldn't.  the penalty on my brother would have been too severe.  i kept quiet.  


i wish i had recognised the 'cross' then and had carried it with me since.  i didn't.  i was just trying to save my brother.  i wish i had understood what He was asking of me sooner and realised my failure to do so just about every day before that day and since.


i wish it hadn't taken me my own experience to see His loving kindness to me and everyone to my left, to my right, to my front, to my back, above me, below me.


my brother owes me nothing.
i owe my brother and his kin everything.
Christ has done no less.
He took the fall for me.