thursday

i have another cold.


i was thinking yesterday about how mind and heart seem to travel different roads.  my thoughts (my mind) tend to travel toward the desire for understanding in ways that will comfort me.  my heart tends more to travel toward the desire for understanding in ways that will comfort others.


i realised that the two do collide.  it is when they do, that i feel at my most alive and at my most of service. i have done what He has called me to do.


each morning of late, i have reminded myself, that this day i am of service to Him and as yet i haven't felt His call.  i have gone about my business of tending to things asked of me daily in the most trivial of ways, but service nonetheless; making the bed, feeding the cat, tidying the kitchen, putting the rubbish out, with the expectation that at any moment He might call me to service of delivering His love to another.  His silence upsets me and has me in tears.  i consider i am an unworthy servant.  


i remind myself that trivial service is still service and continue on my way.  my mind has found me comfort.  i take a trolley back to the trolley bay for a lady at the supermarket.  i am closer to it than she. this is an act of kindness.


at the waipuna hospice shop, i give a lady who has no money, a dollar, to buy an earring which, her son, she says, will make into a brooch.  as she walked out of the shop, i realise i have seen her heart.  i will never know why He expressed His love to her this way.  i know not to ask.  this was an act of kindness. to me.  


to be of service to Him is difficult when He is the master and i am unaware of what He is doing.  my mind seeks to comfort me.  my heart seeks to comfort others.  


it is today as i write in my diary that i realise that it is Him that connects the two and a miracle has been performed. 


i relish the joy of being a part of His service, but as with any occupation, there is much for me to learn and much more for me to unlearn.  i must learn to mind my business and to be of service to Him, i am learning He will make me do just that. 


so the day is cold and i am not overjoyed to have a cold again.  outside it all speaks of the coming of spring and the end of winter.  i have the works of c.s. lewis keeping me company.
i have much to learn.